Not feeling it

I walked into this week's weigh-in full of confidence and swagger. I knew that I had lost at least four pounds ... maybe more. I knew that my nutrition was good. I had worked harder than I had previous weeks, including setting several personal bests in multiple areas. I had ran farther and longer on the treadmill than I ever had. I hit the stair stepper several times, including one stint for 130 flights. I was prepared to hear Rick say some ridiculous number for my loss total.

It was ridiculous alright ... 1.8 pounds. That sucked and it makes me furious. I can't believe all that work led to what feels like nothing. I know all the "cheer you up" comments (I've said them to others) ... you're putting on muscle, you're *looking* thinner, a loss is a loss, etc. ... I don't want to hear any of that, because it feels like an insult.

I could understand this better if I had slacked off here and there, but I didn't. Not only did I break my personal best records ... I shattered them! Without exaggeration, I did things this past week I had never even attempted before in my life. If multiple personal bests result in just 1.8 pounds ... well, it doesn't feel worth the effort. My worst loss came on what easily felt like my hardest working week.

They told this would be hard ... that we would ache and want to quit. I've felt that over the first month, but then I'd go in for a weigh-in and hear numbers like 7.6 or 4.4. That would make me feel pretty good about things. Beat me up if you want, but as long as I get that great number, I'm okay with it. Right now? I'm not cool with it.

I'd love to tell you I've already learned some amazing lesson from deep inside my gut. I want to tell that I'm feeling like Rocky and that I'm going to get up off the mat and beat the crap of Ivan Drago, but I'll be blunt and candid ... I'm not feeling it right now. Just not feeling it all. I'm not quitting, but I'm not feeling good about continuing either.